I dream of the day
that the dam is broken.
When I no longer possess
the ability to abate
the waves of authenticity
that well inside.
I dream of the day
that the dam is broken.
When I no longer possess
the ability to abate
the waves of authenticity
that well inside.
“It’s so hard to choose isn’t it” she said. Instinctively I answered “I know”.
But the truth of it is, I know exactly what I want. What sets my heart alight. But that’s no use when ultimately the decision on what action to actually take needs to come from a place of compromise, and be decided by committee.
Maybe she was drawn to talk to me by some subconscious recognition of my conflicted inner self. Maybe she recognised in me the familiar burning desire to follow her dreams but being too afraid of the consequences of pulling others out of their comfort zones.
Whatever it was she served me well by making me recognise the present state in which I was in, and to remind me to choose to retake control and make the best of my current situation. To learn the lessons my life is trying to teach me.
I didn’t catch her name, but I’d love to say a big thankyou and send wishes of gratitude her way – I hope she finds what she was looking for.
Reading an article in a recent copy of Marie Claire about a woman who finally found Mr Right after deciding ‘to give up on dating and stay fabulously single’ made me begin to wonder about the merits of us always holding on so tightly to our treasured dreams.
Yes our dreams are delicate (or should I say they make US delicate), and yes it’s can be heartbreaking to live with even the possibility that our dreams may not actually come true. But think about this – what if letting go of the picture we have in our hearts and heads actually leaves space for something so much more miraculous and extraordinary to come to life?
What if by holding our cards so close to our chest we are actually blocking what we’ve craved for all along?
The woman in the article had a slightly strange approach to letting go in my opinion – she chose to live the next year as if it would be her last as a single lady and cram in everything she’d ever wished to do. To me this just makes it seem as if to her life ends once you become part of a couple, shackle yourself to a life partner or find your ‘other half’. But all the same letting go of the dream, the ideal and allowing the chips to fall where they may seemed to work. And enabled her to become more open to really experiencing life in a way that she couldn’t before.
Dont get me wrong, I’m not saying give up on your dreams all together and resign yourself to a life of unextraordinary unhapiness, in fact quite the contary! I’m simply suggesting that maybe we could all benefit beyond our wildest dreams by emptying our cup just a little and allowing for the possibilities in life to truly astound us.
What do you think? Have you been holding on so tightly to your dream that you’ve completly squeezed all of the life out of it? Is what you thought was your passion in life turning out to be more of a long hard slog because you need everything to be just right? I’d love to read some of your stories too.
Sitting here this afternoon enjoying a late Sunday brunch and some quiet time to myself I began looking at what I really needed to give myself a boost in moving my business stuff along at a more rapid pace.
I asked myself the question – ‘Who in an ideal world would I really like to work with to get all of my ducks in a row?’ so to speak. And not so surprisingly (if you’ve ever seen my twitter follow list) but my list came out as follows:
Jennifer Louden – for self care, coaching and purpose work.
Lea Woodward – for making my dreams of location independent living and adventure come true.
Anahata Katkin – for inspiring in me more of my creative sprirt and drawing out my souls representation in my art work
Now I know that it might already seem like an amazing wish list of muses to want to work with but something was niggling inside, bugging me, telling me there was something missing.
So I sat a little while, I sifted through my notes a little. I even resorted to consulting the sectors that I usually include on my wheel of life. And then it dawned on me as I sat staring into space towards this little still life on my kitchen counter.
Health and Beauty. I don’t really have any one source of inspiration, expertise or guidance that I consult on a regular basis to do with two things that are actually quite important to me – my nutritional health and fitness, and my physical style and appearance.
Now don’t get me wrong I’m not at all vain in any sense of the word, but I was raised to take a certain level of pride in my appearance, and that if i looked after my body then it would look after me. And over the years this has deepened to incorporate a personal desire to have my choices in those areas be a more authentic reflection of my personality.
The thing is because I’ve always been everybody elses go-to-girl, usually the one with all the ideas and possible answers I’ve never really put that role into reverse. I haven’t ever really been one to phone a friend for guidance or advice. I’ve always been quite independent in that sense. And I don’t have any particular celebrity style icon in mind. I tend to make up my mind about what I want and why, go ahead and research the options, judge their merits and usefulness based on my own situation and gone ahead and figured out the best choice for me pretty much by myself.
But I’ve realised that sometimes I do need help too. So I’m hoping in the spirit of sharing resources that you might have some ‘best kept secret’ or health and fitness, and style gurus you might be able to recommend. And in the meantime I’m off to see what I can find somewhere outside of my own head.
I’m looking forward to some fab recommendations in the comments below so please be generous with your opinions and advice – asking others for help is a skill I really need to improve on. I’ll share what else I find there too.
Have you ever wondered why we struggle to decide even about the little things?
Why asking your other half what he wants for dinner can turn into mission impossible, and why no matter how much we want something in life we just can’t seem to get from knowing what to do to get it, to actually taking the necessary action?
So why can’t we make our minds up?
From my research and talking to friends, colleagues, and like minded souls it seems there are several usual suspects, or common decision making demons:
1. We’ve got too many options:
And they aren’t all clean cut either. We’ve got a million more choices than our ancestors ever had and as a result we’re much less happy, and completely overwhelmed.
The decision between a new job with a huge hike in salary, a private pension and access to the company car vs one which has a reasonable salary a four day week and access to an on-site nursery may not be quite as straight forward as we’d initially think. There are so many more factors to take into consideration these days. And of course living in the relative luxury we do in the western world we’re quite literally spoiled for choice.
This of course means that the old hat tips and tricks of pro/con lists and flipping a coin just aren’t cutting it anymore.
2. We want it all or nothing:
We were raised to believe we could have it all and to take no prisoners in our pursuit to get it. As a consequence compromise has become a four letter word.
Why have we become so adverse to settling? And trust me I mean settling in the most positive sense. Finding peace and contentment with what we know to be right for us in our lives can never be a bad thing. And simply knowing when enough is good enough can be a giant leap forward in finding lasting satisfaction in life.
3. We don’t know how to prioritise our own needs:
We struggle with the idea of putting ourselves first. We’ve been bought up to consider it to be self centred and self serving but in reality this belief in fact leaves us less able and less effective in helping both ourselves and others.
Remember the aeroplane safety spiel you get before a flight, about placing your own oxygen mask BEFORE attempting to help anyone else? Well I’m thinking those guys have quite possibly got exactly the right idea!
It’s not in the slightest bit selfish to make a choice that directly benefits you if in the long term it ultimately benefits others too.
4. We’re scared of the consequences:
Whether it be the negative implications, or possibly and more often surprisingly so the positive ones, one of my all time favourite quotes by Marianne Williamson and used by Nelson Mandela illustrates my point much more eloquently than I ever could.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, but our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
5. We’re trying to do too much:
To do too much, to be too much for everyone and anyone when in reality we each have a unique and singular purpose in life and the more we focus on fulfilling that the happier we will all be.
Pareto’s Principle/the 80/20 rule states that 80% of our most valuable output comes from just 20% of our input. So what’s your 20%?
6. We don’t know how to ask for help:
As everybody else’s go to girl, cheering squad, accountability expert and agony aunt we’ve got so used to doing these things for everyone else that we’ve forgotten to take our turn and reap the same rewards.
7. We’ve got tunnel vision:
Seeing things from someone else’s perspective can be immensely enlightening and lead us to answers we would never had considered on our own.
As Einstein once said – “You can’t solve a problem on the same level at which it was created” Or in other words you’ve got less chance of finding a solution to a problem with the same mind that created it.
The point is to recognise your own favourite decision making delay, accept it for what it is, and find ways to take action in overcoming it.
Don’t make the mistake of dismissing the impact your own potential can have if only you were to let it – we are all more capable of greatness than we will ever know. And now is the time to pursue it!
Why not aim over the next week to notice your own decision making demons, and consider ways to push past procrastination paralysis and move forward to a more fulfilling future.And check back here later on in the week for some of my own hints and tips on how you can do that.
– What have you found to be your usual decision making delays? Have you found the magic wand to making your mind up with clarity, consistency and congruency? – I’d love to hear how your own meaningful decisions happen. Please comment below, get in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org, follow me on Twitter @zoegoode, or friend me on Facebook.
Well I’m playing catch up a little but I’m not going to let that stop me, so here goes!
The challenge for Day 1 of the 31Days to Build a Better Blog challenge is to write my elevator pitch.
A simple and succinct statement capable of conveying the core of what my business is all about, what it does and how it can help you if you’re a prospective client. Not much of a tall order right?
This is something I’ve struggled with on and off with for a while now, but I think I may well have cracked it lately.
My business platform is going to be based on what I’ve found from my research to be one of the biggest problems facing my target market right now – not knowing how to make your mind up, and finding the courage to get moving to doing the things that truly make your heart sing.
So here’s the latest draft I’m working with at the moment. Please feel free to let me know your first thoughts and impressions below. I’d really love to know what you think!!
Ok so its no big deal or anything but I realised yesterday was officially the start of my birthday month and we had slipped quietly and unceremoniously (well I say quietly when what I really mean is rather raucously and with amazing amounts of laughter thanks to the newlywed Mr & Mrs Lynch!) into The Final Countdown to my 30th birthday!!
It seems a bit weird to be honest. Like the end of an era and strangely serendipitous that it coincides with me making moves to pursue my purpose, and working to launch my lifestyle design practice by participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge with Michelle Scism and Michelle Shaeffer, and the 31 Days To Build a Better Blog with Problogger.
So over the next month I’m going to be posting hopefully on daily basis and sharing my journey. I hope to connect with great new friends and keep up with old ones. To form new and promising business partnerships and be inspired by numerous like minded souls.
Looking forward to a fantastic month.